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everything has been extremely taxing but i think things are actually stabilizing now and i'm trying to be normal and kinder to myself because i really have no other choice at the moment. thank you everyone for being so patient and kind to me over the past weeks and honestly months because i know i've been absolutely unbearable and insane so i really do appreciate it. love you all so much <3

anyway where to start..... i still have that old stars dynamics post open as a draft in a dw tab that i may or may not finish at some point this summer lmfao. i finished my beartown audiobook and will either download the 2nd book to read on my phone if i feel like it or just let libby run its course while i read some of my library checkouts and get to the audiobook in however many weeks it takes to be available. i want to finish you exist too much + cleanness + i did check out a marvellous light but i guess i'll see how i feel when i finish those two. also tori recced me piranesi a million years ago so maybe that soon... i'm almost done with my paltry yearly challenge of 10 books that was initially 5 so i guess i'll keep pushing it in increments of 5 until i max out, but also it doesn't really feel like much of a challenge when half the entries so far are just shitty gay hockey romance books 😭 this is like when you see that someone on goodreads has read 200 books in a year and you look and 80% of it is just 10-page comic book issues

ok i don't know where else to say this but WHY WOULD D*CKMADDEN DO ME LIKE THISSSSSSSSSS.... a loss for all repressed glass closet cases everywhere. no one understands the complex relationship i have with his tragic romantic life like whyyy did i actually kind of believe in him this time........... people very passionately being like "he doesn't owe anyone an explanation on his sexuality and speculating about it is invasive :(" in that well-meaning morally aligned twitter dot com way kind of explicitly missing the point... like girl no he's a massive loser whose career peaked at narcissistic queen in an emt comedy drama that never surpassed 2 million viewers and his existence inherently invites speculation i just also think that it's lowkey woke to be bisexual leo with 25 y/o d-list teen wolf twinks 🥲 RIP to a legendary quarantine hag house relationship. anyway

the other two is such a unique experience for online gays because it's like the kind of television that specifically appeals to people who are gagged by bowen yang cameos and have visceral reactions to noah galvin playing twink grifter. L all-around about it ending up being a parody of itself though........... also watching the bear s2 now and i just love ayo and abby this season so much T__T i should probably watch more stuff this year has been rough for me when it comes to tv

is anyone else kind of impressed by the newjeans packaging design like is it just me or what........ also does anyone have gg releases i need to check out because i'll probably do a big sweep of the k-pop calendar list on rym later and finally methodically backlisten to everything 😭 but i'd still appreciate any endorsements!

ok onto the draft. i really am excited for next season unfortunately i need hockey back... i live messaged most of the first round to h yesterday LOL and it mostly delivered on the amusement and suspense front to me. i am continuously like... i don't know disillusioned i guess by people trying to conjure the idea that bedard isn't ecstatic about going to chicago or inventing a personality for him that simply isn't logical or realistic, like i get it but also. ugh it's fine. i laughed at him saying he'd be so happy "if he made the squad" next season so he could play against sid though bro u are the squad 😭 he's endearing to me! p.s. "is butternut squash a nut" is one of my favorite quotes from any bedard media

anyway LMFAOOO at fantilli to cbj. i really don't know why i have a personal vendetta against 90% of umich players because i know he's Just A Dude but i think i would have actually combusted from the sheer tumblr concentration if he'd gone to anaheim and forced me to deal with him being there on top of drygras monopolizing the fandom ecosystem... i mean i would have Respected It but it would still be a lot. ALSO THE ANAHEIM 30 YEAR JERSEY IS SOOOO FUCKING UGLY. YOU HAD ONE JOB!!! THE CORRECT LOGO WAS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate that team so bad omfg.

me despairing when the canucks passed benson over but then realizing the sabres would pounce on him instead. as a sabres truther We Take That Here. i feel so bad for reinbacher but the entire discourse about Habs Fan Toxicity is also INSANE to me but i guess i am a bit too much of a PassionTM proponent sometimes. but i do feel like 99% of the criticism has been fielded at the org so like whatever. idk but i'm so fascinated by how much michkov seemed to be absolutely obsessed with philly why did that have me crying... he had dannyb's ass so convinced he got pilfered right in front of washington's eyes. respect

notable draft moments:
- when they made poor will smith rap the fresh prince theme on live television
- David
- pekka rinne also forgetting dimfilip guilty pleasure fav tanner molendyk's name in carey price goalie solidarity

ok i have more to say about the draft but i need to go so end post here. also last night i started writing quinnfic again after a million years... it's still entirely stupid but maybe i'll finally finish it after an inconceivable amount of months.


i don't even know...